Wants

There's so much I want for myself.

To be loved.

To have someone hold me at night.

A friend who values me.

People who respect me.

To look halfway decent.

To lose 40 pounds.

To love someone.

To love me.

No one

There's absolutely no one for me anymore.

Fairy Tale Pt. 2

The princess was crushed to hear her best friend went through the exact same ordeal. With the exact same boy. In the exact same way.

Luckily Princess Stevie stole $40 from his wallet before she wandered home.

Update

I can barely get out of bed again.

I'm often alone.

I'm disgusted with the way I look.

I'm going nowhere.

Forgive Me

There's a massive crush of nothing around me. All I want is you but you ignore me and when I do get up the courage to ask you to come over you ignore me or refuse to kiss me. Like last time. I got too drunk. At sig ep. The place that scares me most. The only boy I liked there, the one I thought was safest. He took me back to his room and took off my clothes. I came home in my leather skirt and his shirt. I tried to go to sleep, I was lonely, lonely, lonely. You came over under some pretenses I made up. You started out nice enough... But then you lost interest. You didn't return my kisses, in fact you turned away. I thought maybe you weren't interested. I fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up to you touching me. I tried to kiss you again. You turned away. You took off the shirt the other boy put on me. You took off my bra and you slid off my panties. You got exactly what you wanted. I did exactly what you wanted. Then you went back to sleep. When we woke up again, this time late late late in the afternoon, I asked if you wanted to get dinner with me. You said no, you had other things to do. You left. Without kissing me. Have I fallen so low that I let you get away with this? I'm sad. I'm pitiful. I texted you. Said I was hurt. Pleaded with you not to do it again. You told me I never even tried. I didn't make it obvious that I wanted you to kiss me. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. God I want to love you. This is killing me. I asked you over last night. For dinner. You responded an hour later. Said you hadn't heard your phone go off. Lies. I said I was at dinner but we could study after. You just read my message. Never responded. Read. Why do you treat me like this. I want to love you. Your best friend got drunk and said you hated me. That I was a regret. How could you treat me this way. You hate me. You hate me. You hate me. Why? This is killing me. I feel so empty, so alone every night. I grew used to your arms around me. To the way we talked. To the way your hands felt on my body. To your words in my ear. To you. Now it's gone and you hate me I guess. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? 

Forgive me. 

I'm pitiful. 

Sleeping alone

Sleeping alone is the lowest form of loneliness I've known.