Ascent

I feel the green that’s come over me,

New life bursting through

In places I never dreamed of before. 

How did I survive so long as only asphalt

When there was a garden 

Ready to burst through the cracks. 

I thought I’d be forever trapped,

An ice queen frozen,

Dead in a wintry desolation. 

But I thawed, resuscitated myself.

I left the land of the dead,

But unlike Orpheus, I will not look back.

A Limerick for the New Year

Each day that I further traverse,

To escape what once was my curse. 

I will heed to the plea

Of my pale Eurydice

And steadfastly remain on course. 

Cigarettes and Wine

I think everything is going well for me,
Until I get drunk by the river
And start pressing cigarettes into my bare thigh.
Oblivious to the people around me,
And all that their horrified eyes can see.
I woke up this morning
With blistered legs and stones in my head.
I can't think anymore, I can't walk anymore.
Stationary, mute, I let life wash over me.
It pulls me under but the blisters and empty wine bottles
Bring me bobbing back up to the surface,
Treading water and waiting for the next tsunami.

Dear Lost Friend

When I talk about you I cry.
I tell them how much I love you still,
But I follow it with how you're dead.
It's easier to explain.

Better that than how you killed me,
You broke me apart then left me
So I dragged myself from the dust and blood,
To try and glue myself together again.

I have a lot of anger towards you,
For ruining what we had.
A perfect friendship, no pressure no hiding.
Just my words and yours.

I could tell you the truth about myself.
How ugly I felt, inside and out.
But still I think you loved me.
Until you murdered that too.

You took everything I gave you,
Every piece of my soul, heart, and body,
And you crushed it to nothing.
Even when I was begging you not to.

I'm still putting myself back together.
Still figuring out how to live without you
Without the comfort you gave me every day.
I hope you don't read these words.

I miss you though.
I miss your words and care and the look of you
I miss the safety of loving someone
And never once doubting they felt the same.

But I don't need you anymore.
I don't want you anywhere near me.
Sometimes I think and I ask myself,
Do I miss you? Or just what you did for me?

Third Eye

My third eye opened
And finally I saw.
Like my whole life
I'd lived behind frosted glass.

Finally I thought
I could understand
Why people laugh
And cry and scream.

Why I melt every night
And flow every noon.
Why my neck is so tender
And my elbows so hard.

I opened my mouth
To tell the world
How I had all the answers,
But all that came out was a moan.

Brain Dead

I didn't wake up yesterday,
Eyes open, body moving
Brain dead.
Words screamed into my ear
Rattle in the hollows
And end up vomited
Back onto the floor.
Why do the whites of my eyes
Turn black
At the mention of your name
And salty waves rise and fall
In the deep pit of my stomach
I've traveled to the East
And far to the West.
Searching for miracle dust
Or something that may cure me.
But somehow the powder
I scooped from the dry earth
Only clogs my arteries more.
Leaving me clutching my chest
And crying out again
Heart attack.

Learning Curve

I'm still learning

How to keep myself together

Without someone else's hands

On my hips pressing in.

How am I supposed

To stay in one piece

When my mind and soul are

Falling to a million pieces.

I'm wildly desperate

To find someone who cares

More about my words and thoughts

Than what I can do in bed.

I need the reassurance of

Waking up in someone else's arms

Body pressed close to theirs 

Two heart beats indiscernible.

And I wish there was someone 

Who would catch me as I flew

To kiss me between the words

I love you.

Someone who would pet my hair

And listen to all my fears

Then whisper that I can heal

Everything will be alright. 

I know I need to learn

To be my own person

To solve my own problems

To not lean on so many others.

But the road to happiness

Is flooded by my own tears

And I wasn't provided a boat.

I guess what I'm trying to say is

I'm lonely.