New Medications, The Joys of Anti-Depressants

I've started on an anti-depressant. Lexipro it's called. I went to a psychiatrist on Friday and a therapist today. I vowed I would tell them that I tried to kill myself when they asked but when the question was hanging in the air in front of me, expectant looks on both their faces willing me to tell them exactly how bad it could be or maybe is I just couldn't force the words out of my mouth. They just wouldn't escape and go into being. They stayed in my head and wallowed there as the phrase "No, never" slipped out and my innocent mask flitted over my face, willing them, entreating them to believe me that no no no, I would NEVER actually kill myself! thats just not the type of girl I am. Not that type, not that type. I maybe think about it ok ok, maybe it's always in the back of my mind, I can admit that after a bit of a struggle, but no no no, I just can't tell these complete strangers that yes, I think everything would be better off if I died and just stopped living. Everyone would be happy that way. I know it's true. That maybe if I wasn't such a filthy coward and plucked up my courage I could actually take enough of those sleeping pills and just slip slip slip into the sweet darkness that beckons me so softly. Softly. Softly.