Snow Day

A snowy day 

Blankets in whiteness

The world I can’t bear anymore

Under my feet

The crunch of snow

Like beetles that pour from my mouth

When I open it

To scream out curses

To all those who left me this way.

I scoop up snow

To pack in my wounds

Like the bulletholes in my brain

I spend the night

With needle and thread

Just trying to sew up the holes

But sometimes

Things can’t be mended

With cotton and metal and prayers

So instead

It’s smoke and mirrors

And filling and “emptying” my soul 

No sir I don’t

See the big picture

Just myself and the wide wide world

And if you think

That I don’t deserve

The millions of things that I’ve got

Then you’re right

And I certainly don’t 

Appreciate them like I should

But I just

Keep on asking

And the universe keeps on giving 

The clock here

Ticks away seconds

That everybody says I am wasting

Is it a waste

These seconds spent

Trying to find a happiness?